small 🍆... BIG 🚀!!!

Is it me, or do you feel like you’re in the 1950’s when you turn on the news these days?

Are people really test firing rockets in an effort to show how big their dicks are?  Rockets that cost billions of dollars to develop that destroy themselves and people upon impact?  Really?

Here’s the Reader’s Digest version Phalli Flinging :

U.S. withdrew from the 1987 Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces (INF) Treaty with Russia in August, then launched an advanced Tomahawk cruise missile 16 days later.  It’s caused a global domino effect and now all the major players are flinging rockets in a show of international machismo.

North Korea, Iran, and Russia have been test firing rockets “somewhat” successfully.  By somewhat, I mean, “They launched a rocket, it went the right direction, and it got them on the news.”  Conversely, U.S. Missile tests over the past couple months have gone spectacularly well. 

Experts and analysts state that North Korea’s best rocket tests over the past two years were the Hwasong-15 and Russian 9K720 with maximum warhead capacities of 2,000lbs and 1750lbs, respectively.  Let’s put this in comparison. The maximum ballistic capacity of an F-16 is is roughly 11,000lbs.  

Iran conducted tests of the Khorramshahr with a payload of 3968 lbs, the Hoveizeh cruise missile, and the Dezful ballistic missile.   The Hoveizeh and Dezful are relatively small rockets with smaller, and possibly nuclear payloads.   

Russia.  Oh Russia.  After the withdrawal from the treaty, they went back to the lab and started launching missiles banned under the treaty.  If you weren’t aware, Russian had a failed missile test that raised the radiation levels 16x at the test site.  Now irradiated waste is showing up in local waters.  Russia denies the use of nuclear materials during the test, but it does raise an eyebrow.  

Why am I writing all this?  We’re a flip flop company for God’s sake.

It’s because it’s fucking dumb. 

There are commercial organizations funding and developing re-usable, self-landing rockets aimed toward the exploration of the cosmos.  Governments are literally wasting billions of tax dollars testing single-use rockets aimed toward the destruction of human life. None of these a-holes are going to start the apocalypse with a nuclear warhead or chemical weapon.  That would crush them diplomatically and economically. So, they’d likely launch a conventional warhead that could cause less damage than one F-16. The loss of life as a result of one of their JV missiles would be tragic if it made it past any one of the multitude of air defense systems, but the loss would be relatively small compared to the international shit storm they’d bring upon themselves.  It makes no sense whatsoever. 

There is another theory though--it’s the shiny ball. Whenever there’s something big going down in the news with a dictator or superpower threatening to wage war, something else is usually going down they don’t want on the news.  Like the world’s worst man-made humanitarian crisis in Yemen, the shaky closure of the Afghan war that will inevitably lead to the Taliban getting a sweet deal, or the civil war in Libya started with the international ousting of Muammar Ghadaffi (remember Benghazi?) in 2011.  

So, just remember that every time you see something like this on the news… it’s gonna be fine.  The rockets aren’t really that big. And yes, the genitals are likely that small. 

Also, open your eyes and look around at what’s really going on.

About the Author:  Matthew Griffin is a West Point graduate, Army Ranger, Entrepreneur, named in the Top 100 Global Global Visionaries by Real Leaders and Top 100 Most influential Veterans in America.

1 comment

  • Sean Mclain Brown

    Spot on as usual Griff. -Journalist, author, Marine Corps veteran, veteran advocate, Sean Mclain Brown

Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published