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5 Things You Will Think About After Surviving Bigfoot #BigfootBronson

April 07, 2016

5 Things You Will Think About After Surviving Bigfoot #BigfootBronson

The following is a true account from our dear friend, Chief Bronson:

"This morning while working the dogs and shooting some pics during sunrise at Mount St. Helens, we stumbled upon this footprint. I naturally snapped an image of it next to my size 14 AK-47 for size comparison...What do you mean my Combat Flip Flops are Bad for RUNNING???  Oh, great! And, I sure can't fight off a BIGFOOT!!!" -V/R Steven C. Bronson, Chief USN Ret.

Bigfoot Sighting PNW Combat Flip Flops Chief Bronson

                    SHOP AK-47's

 

So, you just had a Bigfoot sighting. Now what?

We asked a few of our favorite SERE Specialists to give us tips on surviving, evading, resisting and escaping this fearsome PNW-based creature. 

 

1. Trick and Treat.

Bigfoot

Esquire.com

As we both know the walking wildebeest is a cunning creature. In every instance they've been able to allude the enthusiastic amateur cryptologist. Personally, I carry dog biscuits with me, in the rare chance I come face to face with one, and need to throw him off.  

–Ben Domian, TSgt | Sailor, wanderer, ultimate man @seabound_and_down

 

2. Avoid the Pacific Northwest.

Bigfoot Washington

GifSoup.com

The largest number of Bigfoot sightings (620) have been in Washington State. So, don't go to Washington unless you want to practice your evading skills.

–Douglas Hemmer, Senior Airman | Beer-brewer and music connoisseur    @douglashemmer

 

3. Flop lightly and carry a large pair.

Bigfoot

OhMyDisney.com

Everybody knows the best way to outmaneuver a Bigfoot is to make it trip, or more accurately, fall. Head over heels that is. And, everyone knows nothing gets a Sasquatch's attention like a pair of Combat Flip Flops. Give him your flops if you must and back away slowly. 

–David Scarlett, SSgt  | God among peasants, sounds exactly like Vince Vaughn. 

 

4. Threaten to capture him.. on camera.

Bigfoot camera

BigfootEvidence

The only thing Bigfoot likes less than people stealing his jerky are cameras. Pull yours out and he will disappear before you have time to extend your selfie stick. 

–Isacc Houston, TSgt | Top of his class, but his secret weapon is unparalleled dance moves. 

 

5. If that goes south, go live.

GIPHY

You don't evade from Bigfoot. He levitates from you. If you happen to see Bigfoot, sacrifice yourself and get as close as possible in order to crank up Facebook Live. Judy chops and throat punches are warranted to save your life but regardless it'll be viral within minutes. That's really all that matters. 

–Austin Reed, SSgt | Runs 100 mile Ultra Marathons and is a borderline giant. Check out the Kaniksu50, an annual memorial ruck race he organizes.

 

HAPPY HUNTING!




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Sizing

US Size Euro Size UK Size Overall Length (in) Width (in)
7 40 6.5 10 1/4" 4 1/4"
8 41 7.5 10 1/2" 4 1/4"
9 42 8.5 10 3/4" 4 1/2"
10 43 9.5 11 4 1/2"
11 44 10.5 11 1/2" 4 3/4"
12 45 11.5 11 3/4" 4 3/4"
13 46 12.5 12 5"
14 47 13.5 12 1/4" 5"
15 48 14.5 12 1/2" 5"


US Size Euro Size UK Size Overall Length (in) Width (in)
5 35 3 9 1/4" 3 1/2"
6 36 4 9 1/2" 3 3/4"
7 37 5 9 3/4" 3 3/4"
8 38 6 10 1/4" 4"
9 39 7 10 1/2" 4"
10 40 8 10 3/4" 4 1/4"
11 41 9 11 1/4" 4 1/4"